Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
