I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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