the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
