All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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