dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
