i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
