Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
