the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
