I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
