can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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