I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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