Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
