Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
