Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
