I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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