so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
