i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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