True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just high enough for therapy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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