Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
