I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she smelled like a LAN party
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
