yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
