There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
