I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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