I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
