How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
