Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
