she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
