There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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