dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
