You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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