I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
