you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
