Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
