just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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