Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just high enough for therapy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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