Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
