My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
