so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
