If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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