so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
