Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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