You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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