i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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