My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
