i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
