it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
smell my finger.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
