My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
