We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
