His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
