i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
