Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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