I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
