i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
