I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
