a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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