My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
