What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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