Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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