I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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