Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am midnight drunk by noon
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
