I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
