There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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