you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
