just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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