please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
