Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
