I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
