I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
