Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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