life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize