My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize