I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
