I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
